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THE CABLE GUY
GRAND JURY
LANCASTER LYNCHING - 1
LANCASTER LYNCHING - 2
LANC. LYNCHING - 3
LANC. LYNCHING - 4
LANC. LYNCHING - 5
LANC. LYNCHING - 6
DR. FRAUD GETS SMART
TRIBUNE DAYS - 3
KRUSHINSKI - 1
KRUSKINSKI - 2
KRUSHINSKI - 3
NOTES - FEB 7-13
BRIEF OF APPELLEES
LANCASTER
TRIBUNE DAYS
TRIBUNE DAYS - 2
HOW I GOT SMART/PARODY
APPEAL/SUPERIOR COURT
CHARLIE'S PROMISE - 3
JUDGE'S OPINION
DEFENDANTS' REPLY
APPEAL
PLAINTIFF'S ANSWER
MEMORANDUM OF LAW
PRELIMINARY OBJECTIONS
MAN ON THE SIDEWALK
HOLZINGER v. HOLZINGER
THE LETTERS
TWO EMAILS
DIPLOMATS 2
DIPLOMATS SPEAK
PLANNED PARENTHOOD
CHARLIE'S PROMISE-1
CHARLIE'S PROMISE - 2
DR. FRAUD ON CLYDE
LETTERS/EDITOR
NAME CHANGE
TWILIGHT ZONE
JOURNEY
A SIMPLE, SAD STORY
A FAMILY TRAGEDY
A FAMILY TRAGEDY-2
A FAMILY TRAGEDY - 3
A FAMILY TRAGEDY - 4
TO MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS
PUPPIES 4 SALE
PUPPIES - 2
ECLIPSE
CLYDE'S COFFEE
TALKBACK
KASEY1
OPEN LETTER
ALICE 1
Best/Worst 3-7 to 13
Best/Worst 1-16 to 1-10
REVIEW/POIST ON HARPER
EMILY LETTER
NEIGHBORS LETTER
FAMILY LETTER - 2
Ph.D DOCUMENT
TROUBLE'S COMING
CORTNEY FRY - 1
CORTNEY FRY - 2
UNGODLY SILENCE
HEATHER NUNN - 1
CORTNEY FRY - 3
FAMILY LETTER - 3
ALICE POEMS
DALRYMPLE V. BROWN
SUPERIOR COURT
F&M & INCEST
NOTES - 1
NOTES - 2
NOTES -3
NOTES - 4
NOTES - 5
NOTES - 6
NOTES - 7
FAMILY LETTER - 2
RACIAL INCIDENT
SUPREME COURT
SUPREME COURT 2
LETTER TO JOHN FRY
TALKBACK
THANK YOU - LIP NEWS
CORTNEY FRY - GRAND JURY
LOUIS FARINA - FIND JURY
TERRIBLE POLICE WORK
DO ME A FAVOR
GAMBLING CRACKDOWN
GODVOICEHOLZINGER
VERBAL - TOM CRUISE
MAYOR STEALING CABLE?
TED BYRNE
THE BYRNE GUY
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A MAN ON THE SIDEWALK ON CLYDE   

          "Excuse me.  Could I ask you a question?  I'm Becky Holzinger,

investigative reporter for LIP News."

       "I'm in the street.  Wait until I get to the sidewalk please."

       "I'd prefer not to.  I'm doing a 'man in the street' interview."

       "I thought it was a 'man on the street' interview," he said.

       "In or on, it's all the same thing," I said.   "I think you need to be

in the street.  Do you read the Lancaster Sunday News?"

       "Where did you say you were from?"

       "LIP News."

       "I've never heard of it."

       "Don't worry, sir.  You are not alone.  Could you tell me your name?"

       "My name's Harvey.  Now that car was awfully close.  I think I'm going

to be hit.  I need to move out of the street."

       "Oh, fine.  I'll call it my 'man on the sidewalk' interview.  It doesn't

have quite the same ring to it, though."

       "Do you have any identification?  Do you have press credentials?"

he asked.

       "Are you kidding?"

       "Do you have a copy of your paper?"

       "I see you have a Starbucks cup.  What kind of coffee do you have

in there, if you don't mind my asking?"

       "I'm in a bit of a hurry.  I'm about to begin my jog.  What was the

question you wanted to ask me?"

       "That coffee smells good.  That's quite a large cup.  Were you

going to finish it?"

       "Back off the coffee, Lady."

       "Well, I can see you woke up on the wrong side of the bed this

morning.  Do you read the Sunday News?"

       "Yes," he said.

       "Do you read the 'Coffee with Clyde' column?"

       "I cut it out every week."

       "You cut it out every week?" I asked.  "To save it?"

       "No, in case my son reads the paper.  I can't have him reading

that.  Doctor Fraud says it's fine for my son to have an imaginary friend

at his age.  But I don't want him to think it's normal for an adult."

        "I see.  Do you read the column?"

        "I take it to church and read it.  Between that and the sermon

I'm usually asleep by the second or third sentence."

       "You haven't taken a sip of that coffee recently," I said.

       "I said, back off the coffee.  Where can I read this interview?"

       "You can't," I said.  "What do you do with the clippings after church? 

Throw them out?"

       "No," he said.  "I save them in a scrap book."

       "You do!"

       "Of course not.  You aren't very bright, are you?  That was a joke.  

I make them into spitballs later in church.  I always ask for a straw with

my coffee, if you know what I mean.  It keeps me entertained and I

haven't been caught in ten years."

       "I see.  Where are you going jogging?"

       "I'm going to meet a friend and go look at the new traffic lights

downtown," he said.  "Then we have a race to his house."

       "Who wins the race?" I asked.

       "I always do, by a hair.  I have to run."

       "Nice to meet you.  How old is your son, by the way?"

       "Turns twenty-two tomorrow.  Tootles."

       "Tootles," I said.

           

WHO KNOWS WHAT'S NEXT!!!

 




 

|Please Page Down| |Welcome| |CONTACT US| |THE CABLE GUY| |GRAND JURY| |LANCASTER LYNCHING - 1| |LANCASTER LYNCHING - 2| |LANC. LYNCHING - 3| |LANC. LYNCHING - 4| |LANC. LYNCHING - 5| |LANC. LYNCHING - 6| |DR. FRAUD GETS SMART| |TRIBUNE DAYS - 3| |KRUSHINSKI - 1| |KRUSKINSKI - 2| |KRUSHINSKI - 3| |NOTES - FEB 7-13| |BRIEF OF APPELLEES| |LANCASTER| |TRIBUNE DAYS| |TRIBUNE DAYS - 2| |HOW I GOT SMART/PARODY| |APPEAL/SUPERIOR COURT| |CHARLIE'S PROMISE - 3| |JUDGE'S OPINION| |DEFENDANTS' REPLY| |APPEAL| |PLAINTIFF'S ANSWER| |MEMORANDUM OF LAW| |PRELIMINARY OBJECTIONS| |MAN ON THE SIDEWALK| |HOLZINGER v. HOLZINGER| |THE LETTERS| |TWO EMAILS| |DIPLOMATS 2| |DIPLOMATS SPEAK| |PLANNED PARENTHOOD| |CHARLIE'S PROMISE-1| |CHARLIE'S PROMISE - 2| |DR. FRAUD ON CLYDE| |LETTERS/EDITOR| |NAME CHANGE| |TWILIGHT ZONE| |JOURNEY| |A SIMPLE, SAD STORY| |A FAMILY TRAGEDY| |A FAMILY TRAGEDY-2| |A FAMILY TRAGEDY - 3| |A FAMILY TRAGEDY - 4| |TO MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS| |PUPPIES 4 SALE| |PUPPIES - 2| |ECLIPSE| |CLYDE'S COFFEE| |TALKBACK| |KASEY1| |OPEN LETTER| |ALICE 1| |Best/Worst 3-7 to 13| |Best/Worst 1-16 to 1-10| |REVIEW/POIST ON HARPER| |EMILY LETTER| |NEIGHBORS LETTER| |FAMILY LETTER - 2| |Ph.D DOCUMENT| |TROUBLE'S COMING| |CORTNEY FRY - 1| |CORTNEY FRY - 2| |UNGODLY SILENCE| |HEATHER NUNN - 1| |CORTNEY FRY - 3| |FAMILY LETTER - 3| |ALICE POEMS| |DALRYMPLE V. BROWN| |SUPERIOR COURT| |F&M & INCEST| |NOTES - 1| |NOTES - 2| |NOTES -3| |NOTES - 4| |NOTES - 5| |NOTES - 6| |NOTES - 7| |FAMILY LETTER - 2| |RACIAL INCIDENT| |SUPREME COURT| |SUPREME COURT 2| |LETTER TO JOHN FRY| |TALKBACK| |THANK YOU - LIP NEWS| |CORTNEY FRY - GRAND JURY| |LOUIS FARINA - FIND JURY| |TERRIBLE POLICE WORK| |DO ME A FAVOR| |GAMBLING CRACKDOWN| |GODVOICEHOLZINGER| |VERBAL - TOM CRUISE| |MAYOR STEALING CABLE?| |TED BYRNE| |THE BYRNE GUY|