DOCTOR FRAUD ON CLYDE              "Hello, Doctor Fraud.  I'm  Becky Holzinger, investigative reporter for  LIP News."       "I've never heard of it.  How many readers do you have?"       "We don't have any readers."        "How did you hear about me?"       "You advertise with us."       "I see.  Would you like some coffee?"       "Yes, please."       "Do you take milk and sugar?"       "All that you have."        He nodded.      "It's very nice to meet you.  Thank you for seeing me. How are you today?"      "I've been better.  I just received another lawsuit.  Blame the therapist you know.  I told the kid that playing with matches was okay as long as it was supervised.  How was I to know he didn't understand the concept of supervision?  I'm not paying for another house."      "I can understand that.  It must get expensive."       "I have a lawyer, you know."        "I'm sure that you do."       "My lawyer likes me.  He always returns my calls."       "Very nice.  You are a licensed Psychiatrist is  that correct?"       "Yes, I got my degree over the internet.  I've been practicing for six months.  I can prescribe drugs.  Is that why you are here?  Do you need any drugs?"       "No thanks.  I am doing a story on a newspaper editor who has an imaginary friend.  He 'talks' to him in the columns he writes."       "Ah, a young man?"  Doctor Fraud asked.     "Heavens no.  He's been doing it for sixteen years.  They drink an awful lot of coffee together."     "The imaginary friend drinks coffee?"       "Yes, and apparently he jogs too."      "Perhaps this editor is transposing his wild side onto this friend.    See what a psychiatric degree will do for you?  Is this imaginary friend interesting?"       "No, he's a dreadful bore.  No sense of humor.  He hasn't said anything funny  in 16 years.  He only cares about speed bumps and traffic lights.  What impact do you think this might have on the readers of his column? It's downright creepy, if you ask me.  But then, I'm not a psychiatrist."      "Well, I am.  Did I tell you?"      "Yes, you did.  Excellent coffee by the way."     "This is serious.  This editor person sounds like a nut-job."      "Could you be more specific in your diagnosis?"      "Nut-job is a legitimate psychiatric term.  He needs a padded room.  He needs to be medicated.  He may be a danger to the public."      "Well there's no doubt his writing is a danger to the public.  What about therapy?  Would therapy help?"      "There aren't enough hours in the day.  Sixteen years  with Harvey.  This man needs drugs.  He needs to be sedated.  Did I tell you that I can prescribe drugs?"      "Yes you did."      "Would you like some?"      "No thanks."      "Well, keep me in mind if you ever need drugs."      "Thank you so much."      "Have this man see me as soon as possible.  We can't have him walking the streets unsedated.  He doesn't play with matches, does he?"      "I wouldn't know."      "Probably does.  What is this world coming to?  You'll keep my ad running won't you?"      "Of course," I said.    NEXT - "A MAN IN THE STREET" GIVES HIS DIAGNOSIS HERE.