I was in a panic. I was in a rage. I got physical symptoms - rashes, backaches and the insomnia got worse.
.My brother, the brother who got almost a perfect score on his SATs, my brother who went to Harvard, my brother who had all the potential in the world my brother is a pedophile. The anthropologist and the Radcliffe graduate raised a pedophile.
I told Tom he was out of my life until he got help. It was too dangerous. I was beginning to understand the long-term effects of even one sexual violation.
I could not put my friends and family at risk. I began to fully comprehend one of Marthas statements; "The tentacles of sexual abuse are extremely long and reach from one generation to the next." I had thought all along it was only me. I was in the house alone for four years.
No, this was taking an unbelievable turn. My father had molested several, if not all, of his children.
The depths of this tragedy staggered me. How had this been kept a secret? And who were these people who could have done this to their children?
I began an investigation into my parents. On August 4, 2002 I sent the following e-mail to a former colleague of my father:
"Thank you for your nice reply. I will sum this up as briefly as I can I am in therapy because I have had memories come back and I believe my father molested me in my teens. Several weeks into therapy, it also came to light that my brother, Tom, was sexually abused as a child. This came as no surprise to those who know him he has been sexually conflicted for years and endangers himself and others by his actions. It also came to light several days later that Tom molested my younger brother, Steve (adopted from Vietnam) on several occasions when Steve was in his teens. That sealed it. Tom is in complete denial and says nothing happened to him as a child because he remembers his whole childhood. For this and several other reasons, it points directly to my father. I should say that this does not mean my father was homosexual it was a means of power, aggression and CONTROL. I also have reason to believe that I may have at least one half-brother. Yes, this is dirty, nasty stuff that still amazes me and stuns me. Toms twin, Emily, has withdrawn. Anne and I have never married. Anne was in therapy for several years a long time ago and Steve NEVER goes home. This is not a pretty picture of a family and I have to get to the bottom of it."
"So I guess I am looking for insight into my fathers "character." The words hot tempered seem to follow my father. Did you see signs of that? Arrogant and aloof also seem to follow him. Would you agree?
"Finally, I guess, if you havent answered it will all of the above questions what did you think of my father?"
"I am sorry to inundate you. If someone had told me two years ago that I would be doing this, I would have told them they were crazy. I have been on an amazing and unpleasant journey for almost two years now. I have to get to the bottom of this. I have to know the truth."
(Continued under A FAMILY TRAGEDY - 4 Button)