PUPPIES 4 SALE 2
Oh, dear Lord! Its too much, I said. Are you sure they dont have any? Did you look in every corner? Will they be getting more in? How will I explain this to the people coming to my lawn sign installation party?
They dont have a single one, and, no, they wont be getting more in, he said. Its too close to the election. They suggested you check with friends they might have two signs and be willing to share.
Nonsense, I said. I cant go begging for a sign. Besides, I need a sign today.
They suggested that perhaps you could make a sign, he said.
That would require a trip to Home Depot, I said. You know how I feel about Home Depot.
I know how they feel about you, he said. Arent you banned for life?
The clerk said installation was self-explanatory. He had it coming, I said.
Theyre giving out Bush/Cheney signs on every corner in the city, he said. Theyre begging people to take them. Its even being said they are sneaking onto peoples lawns at night and planting them.
Outrageous, I said. It will scare the poor children at Halloween. Now, I am distraught. You know what the doctors said, son. I need to be kept calm. What is to be done?
I sensed this would be a problem. I have a few lawn signs and art in my trunk, he said. Let me show you. 'House for Sale.' Now that's an attractive sign. Or there's 'Craft Show Today.' That one is really attractive," he said encouragingly.
Good grief, no! I said. "Those wifty, artsy type people will stop. You know I dont do well with them.
I have a pink flamingo, he said.
Garish, I said. They should be outlawed. Has either candidate talked about that?
I have Bambi, he said.
This is the middle of a city, I said.
A ceramic dog? he asked. Its really quite cute.
I want a lawn sign. Its a lawn sign installation party.
I have Puppies 4 Sale, he said. Its quite attractive. Its made of wood and has that nice puppy picture burned into it. The puppies are AKC, too!
Well, I said. That is quite an attractive and durable sign. But we dont have any puppies.
No one ever needs to know, he said.
Do fill me in, " I said.
The phone number on the sign is not ours. They will not be calling us for puppies.
I see. What about the neighbors? What will they think? I asked.
Theyre afraid to look in our yard.
What if a car stops at our house and they want to see puppies? I asked.
We just sold the last one.
What kind of puppies did we have?
A lovely breed. How many did we have?
We had eight.
Wheres the mother?
She's in the back yard.
Will we be having more puppies?
Yes, check back with us in a year.
Youll wax the sign once a week, wont you? I asked.
With the best possible wax, he said.
I have to brew a pot of coffee. Ill wear my Kerry button. Will you be coming? I asked.
No, Im going to go install these Bush/Cheney signs on some unsuspecting homeowners lawns. The Bush people said they would pay me.
Only in America, I said. Pick up some puppy food while youre out.
Of course, he said.
To be continued at a later date......................